I WON'T FORGET
For SATB a cappella
Title: I Won't Forget
Ensemble: Nordic Choir
Conductor: Dr. Andrew Last
Sheet Music
Available for SATB a cappella with divisi. Purchase Sheet Music by Contacting Zach.
I Won’t Forget
The courtship our wedding day,
our children and families
our time spent together,
all difficult to forget.
Our jobs and vacations,
Bike rides, walks and board games.
Our life, our plans derailed.
But I won't forget.
I won’t forget
The fall at the ball game
A light bulb then denial
The beginning of an illness
unrecognized.
The scans tests and studies
Sugar coating and reality
Our bucket list and future
why did we wait?
The Bruises, denial,
the distance, the chasm
And Seeing you fight
until the end.
The falls and the fractures
Amidst the pandemic
The loneliness and mem’ry loss
But I won’t forget
I won’t forget
Abundant blessings we have had!
A journey I’m not worthy of.
Thank you. I will never forget.
My love for you,
I will never forget.
- Larry Studt
Composer Notes:
I remember when the pandemic began, and I heard about the first funeral that couldn’t happen. That moment was so surreal and left me speechless. I could not imagine coming to the end of my days, unable to say goodbye one last time to everyone. In addition, the pain that a family must feel in isolation must be unbearable. Unable to celebrate someone’s life with family and friends, that would be tough. I was contacted by Larry Studt, in the early summer of 2021, to write a choral piece for his wife (Rachel) who had passed away over the pandemic. They had been together for over 25 years and had raised three children: Claire, Laurel and Nathan.
While discussing details of this commission, we decided to contact Dr. Andrew Last, Laurel’s current college choir director at Luther College, and ask if he was interested in collaborating on this project. We thought that this could be a special experience, not only for the family, but for Nordic Choir too. After receiving support from Dr. Last, we moved onto the words. The words are a collection of memories and thoughts, created by Larry, that reflect upon Rachel, their time together, and their family. Once the words were created, it was my turn to add music.
I have been a part of many commissions throughout the years, and each comes with its own challenges, but never have I been challenged like I was for this commission. First challenge, to write a piece of music worthy enough for a family going through a hard time. Second, to capture the value of a human life through music. Third, to write a piece that their daughter would feel comfortable rehearsing and singing. And lastly, to write a piece for Nordic Choir, a choir in which I have highly respected for over a decade. Each note I wrote didn’t feel like enough and each draft I created felt shallow, it seemed like nothing was working. However, there was one concept that kept coming back to me, which is the current musical idea that goes with the words, “I won’t forget.” After months of hitting my head against a creative brick wall, it finally felt as if I busted through my creative block. This composition has depth and feeling which matches the passion of its lyrics. I always show a couple of close friends the final product before I send it away, and never have I seen someone cry from listening to the midi of a composition.
Because the text is poignant and the music emotional, I know that this piece will be tough to perform and program. But we are humans, full of depth and beauty. At some point we will all lose someone that has meant something to us. And what better way to honor the depth and impact of someone’s life, than with the depth of musical expression. Facing one’s feelings can be challenging, but the emotional release always heals the mind, heart, and soul.
- Zachary J. Moore
Words From the Poet:
"The words to, 'I Won’t Forget' were written shortly after her passing in January 2021. Nothing can capture the struggles, worry, and issues that Rachel’s illness presented. We did not know for years that something was happening. Our children were victims of the disease and so was our marriage. There were months of concern about our future as a family that Rachel could not realize.
The fall occurred in February 2018. Rachel fell going up bleachers at a basketball game. She told me she had been falling for months but did not tell anyone. Coupled with a slower gait and sometimes dragging her feet, I convinced her to see her doctor.
A diagnosis of Parkinsonism was given. Rachel went into denial that nothing was wrong. A second diagnosis of depression/anxiety was given. Through connections at my work we went to Mayo Clinic and the diagnosis of Frontotemporal Dementia was decided upon. Still, denial. Secret meetings with the kids, friends, and family trying to minimize accidents, falls, driving, and so on. Multiple falls with an ankle fracture needed surgery, a pelvic fracture, a neck fracture, and an upper back fracture.
Another contact and Rachel entered a study in San Francisco. We had a lovely trip and the medical folks diagnosed Progressive Supranuclear Palsy. We met with the team in San Francisco and Rachel heard them say if she exercised, ate better, and kept her mind busy, she would be fine. I asked for the non “sugar coated” prognosis and was told the grim reality of what was to come.
Rachel deteriorated quickly over the next few months. Rachel confronted her illness, once she accepted something was wrong and with a little coercing, made very difficult decisions: a grave site, a grave stone, planned her funeral, and ultimately wanted to be admitted to memory care during the pandemic when she knew we could not see her.
Rachel continued to worsen over time and after just 4 months in memory care, passed away. She stopped eating and drinking all together. My feeling is that she was ready to pass and consciously decided she was ready to move on.
As part of the study, Rachel donated her brain and spinal cord for study. A closely related disorder was found, Corticobasal Degeneration. We are comforted to know that her generous donation will assist others with similar disease in the future."
- Larry Studt
